Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
