ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
