yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
