I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
