Can i not drive my cunt home
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
