I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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