Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
