how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
that is very illegal...i love you.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
