..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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