i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
