You just made me feel so damn special
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
