I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize