I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
