im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
