Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
