Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My hand turned me down
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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