you would pick up someone in the library
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
