similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
