I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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