4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize