Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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