He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
