His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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