Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We had to coat check the pizza.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
