Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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