you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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