Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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