Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize