Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
