I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
