Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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