I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
