with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
