where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
