My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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