i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize