ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
