may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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