I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
