I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he fucked my hip out of place.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
