They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
