im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
