If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
