I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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