Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
