Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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