So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
