I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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