One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
