some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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