Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
