just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize