If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
