This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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