haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize