Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
