i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
