The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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