White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
