i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
