the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
