This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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