I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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