she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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