I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
