I think my vagina is haunted
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
there was a trapeze. enough said
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
