She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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