Sacagawea was the original milf.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
