I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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