why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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