I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
