why didn't you poke me back
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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